A Mirror Has Two Faces

I must say that this week has been very busy. I have been out and about every evening this week socially which is good because that means that there is some potential benefit for me....this is a good thing. So I actually went to my Weight Watchers "weigh-in" on Wednesday evening and well it wasn't great news....not that I have been doing anything consistently to deserve great news but onward and upward. I have more changes to make.

On Thursday evening, I went to an event that I was very excited about and equally impressed with. A classmate from graduate school (and two of her friends) started a non profit called Velo-City. Thursday night was their Launch Party/Fundraiser. The event was at a great lower east side lounge. They had a great turnout to support not only the launch event but the organization itself. I am so excited about the work that will be done to support Lower East Side youth through Velo City. Of course, I was inclined to say..How can I help?! I meant that sincerely...I want the organization to work and for their efforts to not be in vain.

As I left the event and walked to the train to go home I reflected on what it takes to make a successful organization. I have, in my past, invested a great amount of my time, my talent and my financial resources to work collectively with a group of people to develop a ministry that focused on the development and engagement of a rising generation of leaders of my peers. The organization had a great concept, we had a mission, there was a perceived need, we had human capital but we still could not make the organization work. There were a few successful events but stabilization never became a reality. I often wonder, why do some organizations work and some do not? But after Thursday's launch event for Velo-City, I have been inspired to re-think the ministry..perhaps there is another way!!

I had another major reflection on Thursday evening as a result of my attendance at Velo-City's launch/fundraising event.

I ran into several classmates from graduate school...it was a great reunion. I also saw, while at the event, a classmate that was also a member of the leadership team of a student group that I was the president of while in school. When I saw her I said hello and smiled; she looked at me with total contempt. We had a bad experience at one point in our last year of school regarding the management of the student group. I can honestly say that I do not remember the details of the encounter at all but by the look on her face when she saw me at the event Thursday evening, she still remembers the encounter like it was yesterday.

I have always strived to be self-aware in my life. As I navigate through this adult journey I am finding more and more that many of the experiences that I go through eventually steer me in a direction of dual awareness--seeing and experiencing from my own personal view and then seeing myself through others. I will put it another way...there are many types of mirrors. Hand mirrors and standard bathroom mirrors are typically one sided and give you one view. But there are mirrors that are a bit more sophisticated (and more expensive for that matter) and typically found at cosmetic counters, facial studios and other establishments that give you a dual view. These mirrors with dual views give you the typical reflection that you see of yourself in a mirror but also allow you to see a magnified view of yourself that seems a bit blurry and uncomfortable. But, to a trained (or aware) eye, the magnified view allows you to see different aspects of the skin that a regular mirror cannot.

I probably became aware of this correlation more or less by accident; but I can't let this moment of certainty pass me by. In my life it seems that I have a heightened awareness of my ability to see myself through other people--a magnified view of other people's actions, other people's successes and missteps, other people's feelings and reactions. I believe that in this heightened state of awareness is where we really begin to grow as individuals. Or better stated, in this heightened state of awareness is where I have begun to grow as an individual. So how does this correlate to the reflection that I had on Thursday evening:

I am glad you asked.

As I mentioned before, in the situation with the still angry classmate, I can't remember the details of the source of her anger with me. I would probably have to flip through emails or have a direct conversation with her to gain a better understanding. Perhaps I should be the bigger person and reach out to her to talk about it instead of being dismissive. But the greater learning for me is this...

How many times have I done the same thing that she is doing but to other people?

I can tell you that it has been quite often. I can hold a grudge....most women do this very well. I can remember what is significant to me...the good and the bad--most women do this very well too. I can shut down and be angry with people for years at a time...and they never, ever know the reason why. Not good and not healthy!! I can only imagine the number of potentially great relationships with other people that are being blocked by silent grudge holding. Who really wins in these situations--because I can almost guarantee that the person that the grudge is being held against is clueless about the details of the issue at hand.

On this journey as I reflect about past encounters with people, places, and things and as I continue to explore the life that is ahead I hope that I can be better at communicating my feelings/issues with others and then just move on. My male counterparts do this very well. They don't let small issues get in the way of their relationships with others. I am thankful about my ability to be able to see myself in others. I find that many of the things that are seemingly irritating behaviors and actions that others possess are some of the behaviors and actions that I also possess that are equally irritating to others. Always striving to be better and to do better!!

Onward and upward!!