I must say that this week has been very busy. I have been out and about every evening this week socially which is good because that means that there is some potential benefit for me....this is a good thing. So I actually went to my Weight Watchers "weigh-in" on Wednesday evening and well it wasn't great news....not that I have been doing anything consistently to deserve great news but onward and upward. I have more changes to make.
On Thursday evening, I went to an event that I was very excited about and equally impressed with. A classmate from graduate school (and two of her friends) started a non profit called Velo-City. Thursday night was their Launch Party/Fundraiser. The event was at a great lower east side lounge. They had a great turnout to support not only the launch event but the organization itself. I am so excited about the work that will be done to support Lower East Side youth through Velo City. Of course, I was inclined to say..How can I help?! I meant that sincerely...I want the organization to work and for their efforts to not be in vain.
As I left the event and walked to the train to go home I reflected on what it takes to make a successful organization. I have, in my past, invested a great amount of my time, my talent and my financial resources to work collectively with a group of people to develop a ministry that focused on the development and engagement of a rising generation of leaders of my peers. The organization had a great concept, we had a mission, there was a perceived need, we had human capital but we still could not make the organization work. There were a few successful events but stabilization never became a reality. I often wonder, why do some organizations work and some do not? But after Thursday's launch event for Velo-City, I have been inspired to re-think the ministry..perhaps there is another way!!
I had another major reflection on Thursday evening as a result of my attendance at Velo-City's launch/fundraising event.
I ran into several classmates from graduate school...it was a great reunion. I also saw, while at the event, a classmate that was also a member of the leadership team of a student group that I was the president of while in school. When I saw her I said hello and smiled; she looked at me with total contempt. We had a bad experience at one point in our last year of school regarding the management of the student group. I can honestly say that I do not remember the details of the encounter at all but by the look on her face when she saw me at the event Thursday evening, she still remembers the encounter like it was yesterday.
I have always strived to be self-aware in my life. As I navigate through this adult journey I am finding more and more that many of the experiences that I go through eventually steer me in a direction of dual awareness--seeing and experiencing from my own personal view and then seeing myself through others. I will put it another way...there are many types of mirrors. Hand mirrors and standard bathroom mirrors are typically one sided and give you one view. But there are mirrors that are a bit more sophisticated (and more expensive for that matter) and typically found at cosmetic counters, facial studios and other establishments that give you a dual view. These mirrors with dual views give you the typical reflection that you see of yourself in a mirror but also allow you to see a magnified view of yourself that seems a bit blurry and uncomfortable. But, to a trained (or aware) eye, the magnified view allows you to see different aspects of the skin that a regular mirror cannot.
I probably became aware of this correlation more or less by accident; but I can't let this moment of certainty pass me by. In my life it seems that I have a heightened awareness of my ability to see myself through other people--a magnified view of other people's actions, other people's successes and missteps, other people's feelings and reactions. I believe that in this heightened state of awareness is where we really begin to grow as individuals. Or better stated, in this heightened state of awareness is where I have begun to grow as an individual. So how does this correlate to the reflection that I had on Thursday evening:
I am glad you asked.
As I mentioned before, in the situation with the still angry classmate, I can't remember the details of the source of her anger with me. I would probably have to flip through emails or have a direct conversation with her to gain a better understanding. Perhaps I should be the bigger person and reach out to her to talk about it instead of being dismissive. But the greater learning for me is this...
How many times have I done the same thing that she is doing but to other people?
I can tell you that it has been quite often. I can hold a grudge....most women do this very well. I can remember what is significant to me...the good and the bad--most women do this very well too. I can shut down and be angry with people for years at a time...and they never, ever know the reason why. Not good and not healthy!! I can only imagine the number of potentially great relationships with other people that are being blocked by silent grudge holding. Who really wins in these situations--because I can almost guarantee that the person that the grudge is being held against is clueless about the details of the issue at hand.
On this journey as I reflect about past encounters with people, places, and things and as I continue to explore the life that is ahead I hope that I can be better at communicating my feelings/issues with others and then just move on. My male counterparts do this very well. They don't let small issues get in the way of their relationships with others. I am thankful about my ability to be able to see myself in others. I find that many of the things that are seemingly irritating behaviors and actions that others possess are some of the behaviors and actions that I also possess that are equally irritating to others. Always striving to be better and to do better!!
Onward and upward!!
Friday, April 30, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
They Just Keep Passing Me By....
They just keep passing me by.....Weekends that is!! I must say that most of the time I am very busy. Busy doing for others. Have I said that before? Probably!
Today, I believe is day four of my journey and although I have made a few small steps (Clap Here) I am still far off my mark. I had a great weekend doing for others...I accompanied my little Girl Scout Troop to the Maritime Aquarium in Norwalk, CT for an overnight on Saturday afternoon and then when I returned to NYC on Sunday afternoon, I hurried with sleeping bag and backpack in hand to get fitted for and make deposit on a bridesmaid dress for a September wedding. I am not going to complain...but I will put on record that I did nothing to achieve my goals this weekend.
In the bible it says that it is more blessed to give than to receive (Acts 20:35)--and I guess Jesus understood that mankind would evolve into an unbalanced world of givers and takers. But it just seems sometimes that the givers give far too much and well the takers basically take all they can get. My mom jokes about my little niece, who is 10 months old, being a bully because she takes whatever she wants from others by any means necessary....usually grabbing very quickly with her little hands.. or through sheer manipulation-who can resist her plea when her bottom lip is poked out as she lightly whimpers. It almost makes your heart melt. Isn't she just exemplifying the actions of most people in this world? She is getting what she wants and/or what she needs. Should her spirit be killed and termed bully for doing that? As I experience life more I realize that maybe being aggressive and grabbing what you want out of life isn't necessarily a bad thing. No one is just going to give you things just because you are nice or because you say please and thank you!!
They may not even give it to you because you really need it or deserve it either.
Believe me, I have done the leg work on this subject. I have always tried to do the right thing by people. I have waited my turn, given a lot to others sincerely, worked really hard and committed myself to doing things with excellence...I have basically subscribed to the Do Right Theory. But yet sometimes I wonder, to what end. I am blessed I must admit..I have a job, I have a home of my own, I can pay my own bills, I have an education,a few good friends and of course my family...but I often wonder is there more out there for ME!!
I did have a small win this weekend. It is kind of funny because upon arrival at the Maritime Aquarium when our group was shown to our sleeping area in the Marine Lab, there stood a Hippo Head on the floor that I decided would be my sleeping quarters for the night. Until...one of the little Girl Scouts (10 years old) in our group decided that she had "dibs" on the hippo. She proceeded, after she said she had "dibs", to put her sleeping bag in the hippo and to lay all over it. We taunted each other about who would actually sleep in the Hippo Head for the balance of the evening. Yes, I a grown woman of 35 years was entangled in a battle with a 10 year old about a big toy. As bedtime approached, she ran off to change into her bed clothes and as she left the space where the Hippo Head stood I began to unravel my sleeping bag and to claim my space. I tossed her little sleeping bag to the side and began to make my bed for the evening. When she returned, she gave me the evilest look that she could and scoffed at me. The battle had ended and I WON!! I defeated a 10 year old. Or so I thought. HHHMMMM!! What do you think happened.
Well, I crawled inside the Hippo Head and was a bit to tall for it. I would not be defeated by that. I pulled out an extra blanket to make a pillow and tried to make it an extension to the contraption so that I could lay straight for my night of rest. Needless to say, I tossed and turned all night long. I could never get comfortable. I was hot and I was cold. I woke up every hour on the hour until I couldn't take it any more. The next morning when I woke up by back was in knots....and it is still a bit stiff on Monday night. So maybe I didn't really win that battle with the 10 year old after all.
As I begin this week, I am going to focus more on small steps to achieving these two goals that I have set initially. One or two little things at a time this week. I have so many more goals to add to the list but don't want to overwhelm myself. But as spring turns to summer, operation "Getting It In" will swing into full effect. So one of these goals..preferably getting my house in order is going to have to exit stage left and hopefully really soon.
As a final note I must admit that I know in my heart that I will never quite give up my desire to help others and to be of service to today's youth and to the greater global community. I think I am just hard coded for this. I just pray, Oh God I pray, that I can, somehow, find a bit of balance and time for myself.
Will another week and weekend pass me by....I sure hope not!!
Today, I believe is day four of my journey and although I have made a few small steps (Clap Here) I am still far off my mark. I had a great weekend doing for others...I accompanied my little Girl Scout Troop to the Maritime Aquarium in Norwalk, CT for an overnight on Saturday afternoon and then when I returned to NYC on Sunday afternoon, I hurried with sleeping bag and backpack in hand to get fitted for and make deposit on a bridesmaid dress for a September wedding. I am not going to complain...but I will put on record that I did nothing to achieve my goals this weekend.
In the bible it says that it is more blessed to give than to receive (Acts 20:35)--and I guess Jesus understood that mankind would evolve into an unbalanced world of givers and takers. But it just seems sometimes that the givers give far too much and well the takers basically take all they can get. My mom jokes about my little niece, who is 10 months old, being a bully because she takes whatever she wants from others by any means necessary....usually grabbing very quickly with her little hands.. or through sheer manipulation-who can resist her plea when her bottom lip is poked out as she lightly whimpers. It almost makes your heart melt. Isn't she just exemplifying the actions of most people in this world? She is getting what she wants and/or what she needs. Should her spirit be killed and termed bully for doing that? As I experience life more I realize that maybe being aggressive and grabbing what you want out of life isn't necessarily a bad thing. No one is just going to give you things just because you are nice or because you say please and thank you!!
They may not even give it to you because you really need it or deserve it either.
Believe me, I have done the leg work on this subject. I have always tried to do the right thing by people. I have waited my turn, given a lot to others sincerely, worked really hard and committed myself to doing things with excellence...I have basically subscribed to the Do Right Theory. But yet sometimes I wonder, to what end. I am blessed I must admit..I have a job, I have a home of my own, I can pay my own bills, I have an education,a few good friends and of course my family...but I often wonder is there more out there for ME!!
I did have a small win this weekend. It is kind of funny because upon arrival at the Maritime Aquarium when our group was shown to our sleeping area in the Marine Lab, there stood a Hippo Head on the floor that I decided would be my sleeping quarters for the night. Until...one of the little Girl Scouts (10 years old) in our group decided that she had "dibs" on the hippo. She proceeded, after she said she had "dibs", to put her sleeping bag in the hippo and to lay all over it. We taunted each other about who would actually sleep in the Hippo Head for the balance of the evening. Yes, I a grown woman of 35 years was entangled in a battle with a 10 year old about a big toy. As bedtime approached, she ran off to change into her bed clothes and as she left the space where the Hippo Head stood I began to unravel my sleeping bag and to claim my space. I tossed her little sleeping bag to the side and began to make my bed for the evening. When she returned, she gave me the evilest look that she could and scoffed at me. The battle had ended and I WON!! I defeated a 10 year old. Or so I thought. HHHMMMM!! What do you think happened.
Well, I crawled inside the Hippo Head and was a bit to tall for it. I would not be defeated by that. I pulled out an extra blanket to make a pillow and tried to make it an extension to the contraption so that I could lay straight for my night of rest. Needless to say, I tossed and turned all night long. I could never get comfortable. I was hot and I was cold. I woke up every hour on the hour until I couldn't take it any more. The next morning when I woke up by back was in knots....and it is still a bit stiff on Monday night. So maybe I didn't really win that battle with the 10 year old after all.
As I begin this week, I am going to focus more on small steps to achieving these two goals that I have set initially. One or two little things at a time this week. I have so many more goals to add to the list but don't want to overwhelm myself. But as spring turns to summer, operation "Getting It In" will swing into full effect. So one of these goals..preferably getting my house in order is going to have to exit stage left and hopefully really soon.
As a final note I must admit that I know in my heart that I will never quite give up my desire to help others and to be of service to today's youth and to the greater global community. I think I am just hard coded for this. I just pray, Oh God I pray, that I can, somehow, find a bit of balance and time for myself.
Will another week and weekend pass me by....I sure hope not!!
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Day Two and I Have Already Changed The Name of My Blog
So its day two and I am a bit excited about this blog. I tend to be that way with new things!! I decided to change the name of the blog today...I wanted something a bit more catchy...so I added 35 and Counting to the beginning of my blog title. Sounds like the name of a television show.
I wanted to add another goal to my list and this is a goal that I have been working on for a long time. I restarted my Weight Watchers program today--it is like take 5,559. No really, it is!! As I mentioned before, I have a hard time sticking to things that are directly related to me and as a result this weight loss/get healthy journey has been very, very long.
I am in a wedding in September and at the beginning of the year my goal was to lose 50 pounds by September. I started going to the gym, hired a trainer, determined that my goal was realistic and I was on my way. Well, four months and two trainers later, I am starting again. I did good while I had the trainer...I actually lost some inches and definitely built muscle--the pounds didn't exactly melt away but I did feel a difference in the way my clothes felt. Great indicator!! But at the beginning of March, my second trainer of the year left the gym and well....so did I. There went working out and Weight Watchers too.
Now it is April 22nd...a month and a few days later and I am starting again or maybe better stated..I am picking up where I left off. I actually did pretty good today...I tracked my food, I ate fruits and veggies and I drank my water. I didn't however, exercise. But maybe tomorrow. Although I will consider today the day that I resumed my journey, I must adjust my goals ever so slightly. So I believe that if I stick with my program and exercise, I can lose 30 pounds by the time this wedding happens in mid September.
Goal #2
Lose 30 pounds by September 1, 2010
How I plan to do it...
1. Exercise 3-4 times per week.
2. Cook at home more.
3. Eliminate fast food. I did this for Lent and was successful.
4. Plan meals for the week and cook in advance.
5. Track, track, and track again.
One Day Down....many, many more to go!! If I can lose these 30 lbs, the rest will be a slam dunk. Well almost!
By the way, I did nothing to declutter and get my house in order today. I have high hopes for tomorrow!!
I wanted to add another goal to my list and this is a goal that I have been working on for a long time. I restarted my Weight Watchers program today--it is like take 5,559. No really, it is!! As I mentioned before, I have a hard time sticking to things that are directly related to me and as a result this weight loss/get healthy journey has been very, very long.
I am in a wedding in September and at the beginning of the year my goal was to lose 50 pounds by September. I started going to the gym, hired a trainer, determined that my goal was realistic and I was on my way. Well, four months and two trainers later, I am starting again. I did good while I had the trainer...I actually lost some inches and definitely built muscle--the pounds didn't exactly melt away but I did feel a difference in the way my clothes felt. Great indicator!! But at the beginning of March, my second trainer of the year left the gym and well....so did I. There went working out and Weight Watchers too.
Now it is April 22nd...a month and a few days later and I am starting again or maybe better stated..I am picking up where I left off. I actually did pretty good today...I tracked my food, I ate fruits and veggies and I drank my water. I didn't however, exercise. But maybe tomorrow. Although I will consider today the day that I resumed my journey, I must adjust my goals ever so slightly. So I believe that if I stick with my program and exercise, I can lose 30 pounds by the time this wedding happens in mid September.
Goal #2
Lose 30 pounds by September 1, 2010
How I plan to do it...
1. Exercise 3-4 times per week.
2. Cook at home more.
3. Eliminate fast food. I did this for Lent and was successful.
4. Plan meals for the week and cook in advance.
5. Track, track, and track again.
One Day Down....many, many more to go!! If I can lose these 30 lbs, the rest will be a slam dunk. Well almost!
By the way, I did nothing to declutter and get my house in order today. I have high hopes for tomorrow!!
Hey Out There...
So at this point, I am the only person reading this blog and perhaps that is alright for now and maybe forever. This is an exercise of accountability for me because for far too long I have set goals that I never achieve; made plans that have never happened; and basically slipped into a cycle of bad habits that only a misguided teenager could appreciate. I can't exactly pinpoint the reason or the time that this began to occur in my life...it hasn't always been my mode of operation--but it is here now and I want it to go away!!
What is the problem you may ask?
Well, in the simplest of forms, I am a mess!! LOL!! Well maybe not that big of a mess.
This is my journey to adulthood. I am chronologically an adult of 35 years but in many aspects of my personal life I don't act like one. Granted, I am very professional and seemingly do a great job of being very adult in regard to my relationship with others--super responsible in fact. I will take care of others in all the ways that I can't seem to do it for myself. So maybe the accurate goal would be--The Journey to Adulthood in My Own Life!!!
I am going to attempt to set a few goals over the course of this blog and to update this blog 1-2 times per week to lament about how I am doing with accomplishing these goals. This may seem a bit selfish but all of these goals will be directly related to me...
Goal 1: Getting My House In Order.
I am a pack rat to the 100th power and I also like to shop. I don't think I mentioned that I live in a small one bedroom apartment in Brooklyn. I have two closets that are the equivalent of a coat closet in the entry way of a nice house somewhere other than New York City--and then I have this alcove that I had a shelving system installed into-- so that is my only other space to store "stuff". This in itself is part of the problem but may be hard to fix in the short term. If you didn't get it--lack of storage. So I am going to have to begin to purge and to maybe stop shopping. Both will be hard--but hey....I am trying to be a responsible adult...and responsible adults don't have more clothes and bags and shoes and other random items than they have places to store them.
So in a nutshell:
1. Everything must have a place to rest
2. If it doesn't have a place to rest then it must go
3. I am going to plan a stoop sale to get rid of some of these items and place my earnings in a savings account for a rainy day. (Another great adult move by the way!!)
Stay tuned to hear (really read) about this purging process. This could take a bit of time but I hope to have it done by..let's see...June 30th.
Let the games begin!!
What is the problem you may ask?
Well, in the simplest of forms, I am a mess!! LOL!! Well maybe not that big of a mess.
This is my journey to adulthood. I am chronologically an adult of 35 years but in many aspects of my personal life I don't act like one. Granted, I am very professional and seemingly do a great job of being very adult in regard to my relationship with others--super responsible in fact. I will take care of others in all the ways that I can't seem to do it for myself. So maybe the accurate goal would be--The Journey to Adulthood in My Own Life!!!
I am going to attempt to set a few goals over the course of this blog and to update this blog 1-2 times per week to lament about how I am doing with accomplishing these goals. This may seem a bit selfish but all of these goals will be directly related to me...
Goal 1: Getting My House In Order.
I am a pack rat to the 100th power and I also like to shop. I don't think I mentioned that I live in a small one bedroom apartment in Brooklyn. I have two closets that are the equivalent of a coat closet in the entry way of a nice house somewhere other than New York City--and then I have this alcove that I had a shelving system installed into-- so that is my only other space to store "stuff". This in itself is part of the problem but may be hard to fix in the short term. If you didn't get it--lack of storage. So I am going to have to begin to purge and to maybe stop shopping. Both will be hard--but hey....I am trying to be a responsible adult...and responsible adults don't have more clothes and bags and shoes and other random items than they have places to store them.
So in a nutshell:
1. Everything must have a place to rest
2. If it doesn't have a place to rest then it must go
3. I am going to plan a stoop sale to get rid of some of these items and place my earnings in a savings account for a rainy day. (Another great adult move by the way!!)
Stay tuned to hear (really read) about this purging process. This could take a bit of time but I hope to have it done by..let's see...June 30th.
Let the games begin!!
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